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Report: Erik Palmer-Brown is Always Going to Juventus

The saga never ends, the American-Italian dance party continues through the winter. Welcome to the era of EPB.

John Rieger-USA TODAY Sports

As reported yet again by the intrepid Italian journalist Alfredo Pedulla, then reclickbaited by MLS themselves, there is still no end in sight for the longest transfer bid process in the history of man kicking a ball around. The Erik Palmer-Brown to Juventus deal is still teetering at the brink of completion at the eleventh hour for the eleventh straight month.

While fans of the Serie A side simply asked "Who?" when news reached them of the potential move in January, their moods have since changed. Torino locals have been known to light candles every evening to help the soccer gods speed along the process. Sporting Kansas City fans meanwhile have made sure to block any talks between the team. Rumor has it that Palmer-Brown talked openly about his love of spaghetti so fans burned down the Olive Garden near Sporting Park in response.

Neither side has returned comments but you can surely imagine that they're busy at all hours of the day hammering this one out. Will it be done before January....2017? No one can be certain, stay tuned.

An Onion

An Onion