Howdy y'all. Permit me a moment to (re-)introduce myself. I've been a longtime member of the TBT community, but I left last fall in order to help Chad Smith resurrect Reporting KC over at FanSided. He and I (along with a few colleagues) are back, and the very first thing I wanted to do was to resurrect a short-lived but very fun series that I hope becomes a staple here: Jake Peterson's book reports.
Inspired by Will McDonald's letters home from baseball camp in the voice of Mitch Maier over at SBNation's Royals Review, Jake Peterson's book reports are an utterly un-serious take on Sporting Kansas City's roster setup and squad roles that keep Jake around. You can find my first two entries of the series, on A Christmas Carol and Harry Potter, here and here. The next installment is Jake's report on Arthur Miller's The Crucible. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
"The Crucible" book report, by Jake Peterson
Wow, it feels like such a long time since I last did my homework! I know Mr. Vermes is always telling me to do my homework because I'm probably never going to strike it rich as a soccer player like Messi and Ronaldo and all those other kids at the other schools, but I have to admit that doing homework is hard when all I want to do is get on the field and run around until Geiger or Penso or one of those other yahoos blows the whistle for recess to be over.
But apparently The Crucible is an important book so here I am writing about it. Actually it isn't even a book, it's a play, and the way I can tell is that it is written as one big conversation between a bunch of people with really old-fashioned names and there aren't any pictures either. So that sucks.
I guess people way back in the day used to believe in witches and that the witches could curse them or somesuch. I think that might explain Justin's turf toe, but when I tried that explanation on Kenny and Chet they just told me to go back to shagging the balls from Dom's shooting practice. I feel like they don't take me seriously even though I grew my hair out like Chance to show that I'm a real big-time soccer player now.
So a bunch of women in this town in Massachuss--I can't spell that, in that state where the Revolution play, are accused of witchery, and one guy as well named John Proctor. I always thought witches were women and warlocks or whatever were men but when I crashed Connor and Alec's weekly Dungeons and Dragons game to ask (cause I figured they'd know), they said they had to roll a die to see if they could answer my question and I guess the die landed on the wrong number cause they wouldn't tell me.
John and the lady witches have to go on trial before some guy named Danforth who is apparently a high muckety-muck whose power doesn't seem very transparent. He reminds me a lot of our principal Mr. Garber, who keeps coming up with ways to give Mr. Arena's kids more lunch money which really pisses me off. This Danforth guy seems to think everyone in the story is guilty because he says that witchcraft is an invisible crime when some of the other women in the story start falling down and wailing like Quincy, a kid in Mr. Kinnear's class, does whenever one of us fouls him in a game. Invisible crime is right.
I don't know how I feel about that whole invisible crime stuff anyways. I saw Minority Report too and it seems super sketchy to jail somebody for a crime you cannot prove they actually did. I think that's the point of this book.
I wonder if that principle extends to keeping someone on the bench for mistakes they haven't made yet on the field. Mr. Vermes really needs to read the books he assigns us.
Hopefully me saying that doesn't keep me from getting an A on this book report. I tried really hard like always.