Report: Sporting KC Sign 3-Year-Old to Academy Contract

According to sources within the club, Sporting Kansas City have extended an academy contract to 3-year-old Luca Feilhaber. Fans will know his father, Benny Feilhaber, as the team’s star midfielder during their 2013 MLS Cup run and his follow up campaigns as a string pulling #10. Benny is currently the coach of Sporting Kansas City II.

Luca has starred at various Sporting Stripes camps and impressed SKC Head Coach and Sporting Director, Peter Vermes, with his ability to simultaneously dribble without crying, setting him apart from his peers.

His father, Benny, was interviewed about the signing during a training session with Sporting KC II. “Luca was destined for this,” began Feilhaber. “When he was born, he immediately started kicking his feet and I knew the technique was there. Once he could start walking, it was obvious that he’s got pace for days and a real vision for the field. Most importantly, he’s got the Feilhaber gift of gab. I’m sure the referees will love his wit and banter on the pitch.”

The Blue Testament reached out to Michele Feilhaber, Luca’s mom, for comment. “We always knew Luca was destined to play,” said Michelle. Even in the womb he was kicking so much more than his big sisters.”

Luca declined to comment, but his Twitter feed shows that he now follows the SKC Academy. What do you all think? Genius scouting by PV and Bliss? Or should those resources be spent on a replacement for Alan Pulido?

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If it wasn’t obvious...

APRIL FOOLS

Sporting KC got in on the April Fools action with a story about Khiry Shelton going on The Bachelorette. Plus The Cauldron FB page nearly melted down with a fake story of Daniel Salloi being transferred to play for Celtic. That said, Daniel is going to potentially leave on a free transfer at the end of the year, so maybe that one hit a little too close to home.

As for signing a 3-year-old, it’s probably not too far out of the realm of possibility, but hopefully obviously enough you knew it was fake.

This story was primarily written by David Greenwald with contributions from Chad Smith. Chad had the idea, David turned it into Feilhaber’s kid and David wrote most of the main story. I’d say send your hate to David on Twitter, but he’s not on it. Send it to the comments.